


Forgive and Forget, Relive and Regret

by jackiesjunkie



Category: Oz (TV)
Genre: Drabbles, F/M, M/M, Spoilers, almost everyone in Oz died, everyone who shared a pod with Toby died, everyone you hate in Oz probably died, everyone you love in Oz probably died, livejournal fic, tom fontana killed off everyone, until he ran out of creative ways of killing characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-14 23:29:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9210179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackiesjunkie/pseuds/jackiesjunkie
Summary: Lyrical Spring 2007 entry on Livejournal group Oz_RapsheetTitle: Forgive and Forget, Relive and RegretSubject: A series of drabbles from various characters' POVs.Song prompt by rileyc"And now I'm glad I didn't knowThe way it all would end the way it all would go"Performed by Garth Brooks





	

1\. Augustus Hill  
Death is a great leveler. Death is something we're familiar with here in Oz. No one knows when their time will be up. The guys sitting on Death Row have a better guess than the rest of us but not even they can be 100% sure. The governor may grant a stay of execution at the last minute. A massive blackout could kill the juice to the electric chair you're strapped into. Or you could get shanked on your first day here. That's life. None of us get out alive. Today, next week or fifty years from now, you just never know. My question is, would you really want to? 

2\. Ryan O'Reily  
There was only here, there was only now. Everything else was blocked out. The only thing that mattered was the feel of her skin, the taste of her lips. Lust had overridden their common sense in a heartbeat. No one had ever accused Ryan O'Reily of being overly tactful. So when the two of them were discovered fucking in the bathroom instead of paying their respect for the dead, it shouldn't have surprised anyone. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Pleasure and pain, guilty conscience and peace of mind. Ryan reaped the benefits but Cyril was the one who ended up paying the piper.

3\. Cyril O'Reily  
It is better to be happy than wise according to an old proverb. Most of the time he is happy. Life is fairly simple, routine. There are a lot of things he knows, a lot of things he's learned since he arrived. But so much has been lost. So much has been forgotten. He has been locked in this physical prison, surrounded by walls of glass, walls of stone. His personal prison will stand much longer than any wall or fence made by man. His mind is his prison. His damaged brain cells are the shackles on his feet. This is the prison from which there is no early release, no parole, no pardon.

4\. Chris Keller  
The moonshine warmed his stomach but it wasn't doing much to improve his mood. Chris couldn't believe he was jealous of a couple of kids. Toby's kids. They had his time this afternoon. They had his love for life. They had what he craved. Unconditional love. Toby's love.

He had seen pictures of the kids. They were beautiful kids. Chris could almost imagine Toby as a boy when he saw his blonde-haired son grinning at the camera. A little mischievous as boys tend to be but a good kid over all. He still had innocence. He still had a chance at a good life.

5\. Tobias Beecher  
Toby hopped up onto the washing machine. There was just something about the sound of Keller's voice that he couldn't resist. He knew it was time. “Come here.”

Keller's face lit up in amusement.

“Get the fuck over here.” He honestly didn't care that Bonnie was remarried, but the look of pain that crossed Keller's face hurt him. He slid off the washer and closed the distance between them. He hesitated a moment before laying his hands on Keller's shoulders. “I love you.” 

Everything around him faded as Keller whispered, “I love you, Toby.” Then their lips were pressed together for the first time.

6\. Tobias Beecher  
The images wouldn't quit flashing through his memory. His kids, the looks on their faces, Keller, the kiss, the taste of the moonshine on his tongue. He couldn't sleep, he couldn't stay still. There was too much confusion, too many questions. Guilt, shame, lust, was it love? With a whimper, he collapsed onto Keller's bed, his hands sliding under the pillow until it hit something smooth and hard. He pulled out a jar of moonshine and tried to fight the old desires. Tonight he didn't want to fight, he didn't want to think about consequences, he just wanted to forget. The first swallow almost choked him but the familiar burn soon took him to that special place.

7\. Sister Pete & Father Ray  
“Ray, do you ever wonder how different life would be if you weren't a priest?” Sister Pete asked.

“I can say I'd probably be someplace far away from here.” He glanced at Pete, “What about you? If you hadn't become a nun, what do you think you would have done with your life? Did you ever think about getting remarried?”

Sister Pete shook her head. “No. After Leonard died, I never had any interest in getting married again.” She sighed softly. “But I suppose you never know what might have happened.”

“Well, for what it's worth, I'm glad you didn't. In a place like Oz, we need all the prayers and friends we can get.”

8\. Sean Murphy & Ryan O'Reily  
“I don't get you, O'Reily. I really don't.” Murphy shook his head as Ryan stripped down and was thoroughly searched by the other hack. “You know the rules. Hell, you've been here longer than I have. How long do you think you can run tits and other contraband before it catches up with you? Do you ever even stop to think about the risks you're taking?”

“No risks mean no reward, Murph,” Ryan replied with a sly grin.

Murphy didn't look amused. “Remind me of that when one of those clowns rewards you with a shank in your back.”

9\. Miguel Alvarez  
Miguel paused for a moment to take a deep lungful of the night air. It had been more than a month since he had escaped from Oz. Yet every day was like the first. He had no idea how long he had before he would be re-captured but he planned on making the most of the time he had. He leaned back against the brick building behind him and gazed up at the night sky. There were few streetlights in this neighborhood so the stars were visible above him. It amazed Miguel how something so beautiful could be taken for granted.

10\. Andy Schillinger  
Andy Schillinger cuddled the baby close to his chest. He didn't know this one's name but it didn't matter. They were all beautiful, happy children. They were safe at last, far from the grasp of the men who had stolen their lives away. It had been a shock to his system when Andy opened his eyes and found himself no longer in Oz but in this serene, unnamed place. And the children. The innocents that had been lost. They surrounded him, flocked to him. Off to his right, little Gary Beecher was playing with the Alvarez baby. He would never understand how the ties that bound the men of Oz together reached beyond that life. So much had been lost because of Oz. But for Andy, everything that mattered was in his arms.

11\. Augustus Hill & Agamemnon Busmalis  
“If you could go back, say ten years, knowing what you know now, do you think you'd have done things differently?”

Busmalis glanced up from his cards to meet the gaze of the Augustus Hill. He frowned slightly but shook his head. “I don't think so.” 

Augustus looked surprised. “Really? Even if it meant you wouldn't have ended up here in Oz?”

Busmalis grinned. “If I hadn't ended up here in Oz, I'd have never met Norma.” He sighed softly and added, “If I had to choose between not having love and not having freedom, I'd stay in Oz.”

12\. Kareem Said & Tobias Beecher  
“You should strive to live your life so you will have no regrets. If you are in doubt, ask yourself if you will come to regret the actions you are about to take. If you cannot go forward with a clear conscience, then you must find another course of action, my brother.”

Toby nodded at Said's words. His brow furrowed as another thought crossed his mind. “But what should I do if I think I'll end up regretting not doing it more than I'd regret doing it?”

Said didn't have to ask. He knew Toby was referring to Keller. “Pray. Allah will guide you to the right path,” he reassured.

13\. Cyril O'Reily & Jericho  
“Ryan doesn't mean to hurt people. He's not bad. He's just trying to be everybody's friend. Sometimes he makes mistakes. Everybody makes mistakes sometimes.” Cyril cocked his head off to one side as he stared at the sock puppet on his hand. “Ryan said we could have two fluffernutters. Those are my favorite.”

“Don't worry about Ryan. He can look out for himself,” Jericho's deeper voice reassured the young man. “You can't see the future because you're not meant to know before hand. Worrying won't change anything. And if you knew the good things that were going to happen, it would ruin the surprise.”

Cyril smiled at the sock puppet. “I love you, Jericho.” He placed a gentle kiss on the puppet's head and curled up on his bed.

14\. Ryan O'Reily  
Ryan gripped his brother's shirt tightly in his fist. This was the first night he felt truly alone in Oz. Cyril was gone. It was his fault. Everything was his fault. But there was a small part of him that was glad. They had been together. They may have been in one of the worst places imaginable but at least they had been there together. He gritted his teeth as he fought back the tears. The pod was too quiet. It felt too empty, too large yet at the same time, the walls seemed to be closing in on him.

15\. Tobias Beecher  
Toby stared in horror at the blood-covered shank. It was real. Chris had given him a real shank instead of a prop. Now Schillinger was dead. Toby had killed him. He couldn't believe it. The shouts of the inmates barely filtered through the screaming inside his head. How many times since his first days in Oz had he dreamed of doing just this? Now, without his consent or planning, it had happened. Everything was in a blur as he was pulled away from the body on the stage. Wildly, his gaze flew over the faces around him until he caught Keller's eyes. “How could you?” his look asked.

16\. Chris Keller  
They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you die. They say there's a bright light. For Chris, there was only one sight. Toby. The look of horror on his face as he reached out too late. It actually only took a moment, a matter of seconds for his life to slip away. But he couldn't repress the sexy smirk that was such a part of him. The words never made it past his mind. “I did love you. I hated you and I loved you. I tried to show you in my own fucked up way. I needed you more than you ever knew. You were my poison. There's no way I'd be able to get enough of you. It was a hell of a ride, Toby, but I'd do it again in a heartbeat. There's never been a drug as addicting as you.”

17\. Sean Murphy  
Murphy watched as the last of the prisoners filed onto the last bus. This day had started out so normal. Well, as normal as a day in Oz could be. Now, death was in the air. Something had killed all the Aryans in the mail room. Schillinger, Keller, a couple of CO's. It was just a fucked up day. Death was nothing new to Sean. But today, today was different. Today was a beginning and an end. A new chapter was beginning. A way of life had ended. He couldn't help but wonder if this was the life he was supposed to have.

18\. Augustus Hill  
Death. It is something we all have to face sooner or later. Though if we had our way, we'd usually choose later. We can't know for sure what happens after we die. Some believe we get sent to heaven or hell. Some say we come back as someone or something else. Or maybe there is nothing after we die. Maybe this life is the only chance we get. So I guess you have to ask yourself this question. Are you willing to risk it? Are you willing to live? At the end of your life, will you regret what you did or what you didn't do?


End file.
